May 31st, 2009
Bogging around Europe
or…timely tips for a kiwi going away from home
Originally printed in Good Teacher Magazine: Term 1, 2007, page 26 – 27
Dear Editor
After spending some 23 days travelling through Italy, France and London I wanted to share a few travel secrets that I picked up along the way.
These may or may not help you to negotiate the cobbled paths that beset the unwary traveller as you wend your weary way from coffee to café through Europe.
Toilets (bogs to us Kiwis)
1. For the month before you leave home do your exercises.
a) Pelvic floor clenches.
b) Squatting with backpack on and money belt around chest just below breasts.
2) Always have change in your pocket or purse for that urgent dive into the nearest toilet when you suddenly discover that the dinner from last night is just about to appear in another form. Cost is currently running at .70 Euro.
If you don’t have change you can
a) Try to use the change machine. May not work
b) Ask the local gypsy begging outside the door for change of E5.00. May not work either.
c) Pretend you’re a gypsy as well and beg for change.
d) Ask one of the locals.
3). Be prepared to use one of three toilet types.
a) NZ style with a seat.
b) European style without a seat.
c) Turkish style with a hole in floor and foot pads for you to squat on.
4). If you want a clean toilet go to McDonalds. They are required under their franchise agreement to keep their toilets clean and tidy.
You may be required to buy something. The code for the toilet is on your receipt. Or ask one of the other customers for their receipt.
5). Cleanest toilet in Venice. Peggy Guggenheim museum on the Grand Canal. She was an American millionaire who collected modern art. She is buried in the grounds of the museum along with her 20 or so dogs. Museum is worth while going to as well as to use toilet.
If travelling with children
6. Leave at home the all terrain, 3 wheeled vehicle otherwise known as a pram. Instead, buy one of those cheap buggy’s made in China with the 4 small double wheels and plastic upholstery. It will save you hours of frustration and angst. They are light and easy to use and if they get run over by one of the testosterone fuelled Italian drivers, hopefully without the child in it, you can buy another very cheaply.
7. Don’t even bother to look at going to the Vatican Museum or Sistine Chapel.
a) the queue is always about a kilometre long.
b) They don’t allow prams inside.
c) It is always totally crowded (twice as bad as leaving Eden Park after a test match.)
d) Very muggy. About 35 degrees and 95 % humidity.
Instead go to St Peters Basilica.Its large, spacious, cool, plenty of room and absolutely stunning.
9) Don’t expect children to have the same stamina or interest in 16th Century art as you do. They will wilt in about I hour.
10) Always have hats for you and the kids. It will help to keep them cooler. Buy ones that are all the same colour and the brighter the better. This allows you to keep an eye on your family through colour recognition.
Beggars.
11) Do not give money to beggars.
Once you give money to one, its like you have the mark of Cain on your forehead. They will all pester you mercilessly.
12) Be aware that in Rome, and other places I’m sure, the gypsys drug their babies to help them beg. Very distressing to see but do not weaken.
13) If a young woman with a bright Romanian style dress asks you “Do you speak English” answer in your best German or French, Nein/ non. If you say yes, you will be handed a plaintive note saying that her father is ill in hospital and she needs the money to save his life, etc. We struck about 5 in about 500 metres in our walk in the park near the Arc de Triumph. All with the same story. Must have been a large family.
14) If you are buying a train ticket at a vending machine be careful to have someone with you to shoo away the beggars who come swarming around to help you and then
demand the change as payment.
Finally … Coffee
15) Be careful where you have a cup of coffee. Prices vary enormously.
16) If you have coffee at a table you will be charged more than if you stand at the counter. Look for cafes that advertise “no table charge”
17) Don’t have coffee in the piazza beside a famous Cathedral or Museum. It cost us $11.00 per cup for coffee beside the Duomo in Florence. Around the corner it cost about $6.00
18) If you’re desperate for a pee most cafes have toilets. May be worth the $12.00 or so to use their loo.
19) If you’re going to hire a bike get one that looks really scruffy. My brother had his nice new shiny one stolen from outside the Florence Railway Station in broad daylight even though it was secured by 2 metal security chains. We found both chains on the ground cut with bolt cutters.
20) Food. If you have a look around, most areas have Tourist menus, which are 2 or 3 courses for about 15 Euros. (about $30.00). Normally very good value.
Till next time.
Yours,
The Travelling Teacher